Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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