he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
