paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think my moral compass just broke
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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