There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
