WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
