My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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