I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
