I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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