'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
