I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
