I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
