Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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