why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
