I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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