She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
...so i touched it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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