4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
