I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
someone owes me an orgasm
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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