You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
