Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
