I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
