Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
