i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
