If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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