Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
a search helicopter?!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
