did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
