Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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