She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i drank out of a bidet.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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