I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
