woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
