I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize