Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A+ Viking dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
