Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
