Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
