Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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