Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
