so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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