You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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