Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm at about main and main street
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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