she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize