Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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