This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
