the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
