lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
