the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
