She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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