No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
worst night to have a conscience
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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