...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize