Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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