In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
