if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
