i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize