Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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