If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
