Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We are two peas in an std pod
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
