I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i think im in europe. pls send help
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
