Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
