I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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