You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
