I wish I only lived at night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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