Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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