Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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