I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
