I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
