I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
