He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
