so let's talk penis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
