That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
