If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
