Screwed.edu
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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