You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Randomize
