we're blogging at a bar
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
